Verbal errors happen by saying things without thinking about their consequences. Do you have a social conscience?
How many times has it happened to us that we say something to a person and the person understands it differently or simply misunderstands it.
The verbal mistakes usually happen to us because we say things without thinking about the consequences that can have.
Understanding this requires social awareness , which is the ability to capture the emotions and experiences of other people.
TalentSmart has tested the emotional intelligence (EQ) of more than a million people and discovered that social awareness is a skill that many of us lack.
This happens because we are so focused on what we are going to say and how they are going to answer us, that we do not pay enough attention to what we can make others feel.
This is a problem because people are complicated. So if we want to understand what is going on in the other’s head, we need to focus all our attention towards our interlocutor.
The advantage of social awareness is that with small adjustments we can greatly modify our relationships with others.
Then I leave you nine sentences that emotionally intelligent people avoid in a casual conversation.
1. “You look tired”
Tired people look unattractive. They have fallen eyes, messy hair, difficulty concentrating and are irritable. Telling someone who looks tired implies all of the above and something else.
Better say: “All right?” Most people who ask this are meant to help. So instead of assuming someone’s status better consult them directly. In this way the person can open and share. And most importantly, instead of looking rude, you’ll be worried.
2. “Wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight!”
Once again a “well-intentioned” comment – in this case a compliment – that seems like a criticism. Telling someone that “he is very thin” suggests that he looked fat or unattractive before.
Better say: “You look amazing.” It’s easy because instead of comparing its appearance earlier than now, you’re just saying a compliment to how well it looks.
3. “You were always too much for him / her anyway”
When someone breaks up with a relationship either personal or professional, this comment implies that they have bad taste and that they made a bad choice.
Better say: “The one that lost was her”. This provides support without the need to appeal to criticism.
4. “It is that you always …” or “is that you never”
Nobody ever or always does something. People do not see themselves in one dimension, so do not define them as such. These phrases cause people to become defensive and repel your message. It’s wrong, because normally when you use these words it’s because you’re going to talk about an important topic, so try to avoid it.
Better say: simply point out what bothered you about the other person. Check the facts. If you do that repetitively and the frequency of this behavior becomes a problem, you can always say, “You do this very often.”
5. “You look amazing for your age”
Any comparison can be rude depending on the way it is said. No one wants to be “too smart for an athlete” or to be in very good condition for someone of a certain age. These types of matches are usually very aggressive because people simply want to be well no matter what age or lifestyle they have.
Better say: “You look very good”. Real compliments do not need qualifications.
6. “As I said before”
We all forget things from time to time and this phrase makes you sound like you are insulted by having to repeat the same thing. For the receiver it is also difficult since he is surely interested in hearing your point of view. Annoying you by having to repeat things suggests that you are an insecure person or that you believe more than others (or both).
Better say: when you have to repeat something, see what you can add to your message to make it more interesting and better for the other person. This way they will not forget.
7. “Good luck”
This is subtle and depends on the tone in which you say it. Obviously it is not the end of the world if you do it, but you can do better because this phrase implies that the person needs good fortune to succeed.
Better say: “I know you can do that” or “you have everything you need”. This is better because you suggest that person has the necessary skills to be successful. Apart you are giving him confidence and you will stand out among all those who are simply wishing him luck.
8. “It depends on you” or “whatever you want”
Maybe the question is indifferent to you, but your opinion is important for the person who is questioning you (if not, I would not have consulted you).
Better say: “I do not have a strong opinion. But I think the things you should consider are … ” When you give your point of view (even if you do not really have a preference) you show that you care about the person who asked you.
9. “At least I never …”
This phrase is a very aggressive way to divert attention from an error you made by pointing out a failure that another person could have made (and that you had to have overcome, by the way).
Better say: “I’m sorry”. Accepting your mistake is the best way to take the conversation to a more rational point so that things turn out well. Admit the guilt of preventing the discussion from growing.
In conclusion, the small details musikji make the difference in daily conversations (like everything in life). Try these suggestions, you will be surprised by the answer you will get.